On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
