I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
