Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
