Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
did i just pee glitter
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