i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
