That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
