I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
