and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
