Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
