i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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