Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
