He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize