i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
