Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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