I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
