Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
