is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize