peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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