dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize