I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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