Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
