its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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