Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize