the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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