Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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