I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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