Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
