Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
