when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
