So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just cropdusted the office
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
