Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
