She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
