I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
