I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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