What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
