Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
