you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
