My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize