the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
