just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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