No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
