Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
