you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
