Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
