you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
