whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
