: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize