community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
