you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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