why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In America we eat man semen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
