That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
