miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
