you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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