We named our party play list daddy issues
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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