I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
