Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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