there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
