Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
