I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
