so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
