I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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