Please, let me fuck your mom
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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