Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
