I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
