ugly people sure do ruin things
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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