Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Never joke about your clitoris.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
