It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
