i may or may not be watching the land before time
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
