i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
