And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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