I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
