and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
