I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dicks are not precious.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
