Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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