I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
