Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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